


you're my achilles heel

by likeuwuahh



Series: hands of the fate [1]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23885512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeuwuahh/pseuds/likeuwuahh
Summary: myoui mina, do you take minatozaki sana to be your wedded wife?i do.minatozaki sana, do you take myoui mina to be your wedded wife?there’s a heartbeat of silence as sana doesn’t reply to the minister. mina closes her eyes, unable to bear to hear the rejection from her lips.i – i do.
Relationships: Minatozaki Sana/Myoui Mina
Series: hands of the fate [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964746
Comments: 20
Kudos: 382
Collections: ~Darling and Honey~ A Misana Collection





	you're my achilles heel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Naeyeon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naeyeon/gifts).



> for nox. always endlessly being by my side through my silliness and all. i love you and truly appreciate you so much, i can't express it in words. you are invaluable.

> _ i don’t know how it is you are so _ _  
>  _ _ familiar to me _ – _ or why it feels _ _  
>  _ _ less like i am getting to know _ _  
>  _ _ you and more as though i am _ _  
>  _ _ remembering who you are. how _ _  
>  _ _ every smile, every whisper _ _  
>  _ _ brings me closer to the _ _  
>  _ _ impossible conclusion that i _ _  
>  _ _ have known you before, i _ _  
>  _ _ have loved you before _ – _ in _ __  
>  _ another time, a different place _ – _  
>  _ _ some other existence. _ _  
>  _ **_soul mates_ ** **–** **_lang leav_ **

//

the room is quiet besides the whirring of the air conditioning above. there’s clear palpable tension in the air. six people are seated, three on either end of the glass dining table. the two parties present are silent, as if waiting for the other to drop the ball. clearing of throats, scraping chairs, nothing can ease the atmosphere.

someone steps forward; it’s yukina minatozaki who breaks the silence first, being the one to call for the meeting after all. her stance is strong as she stands up.

“i believe we can move past pleasantries at this stage, kira, sachi.” yukina’s voice echoes in the room. “we came here for a purpose and i believe it’s best if we continue with it.”

on the other side, myoui mina watches her with interest. actually, she watches all three women with increased curiosity. she finds it amusing how the girl seated in the middle of two powerful women looks so small. the orange haired minatozaki sana is doing everything but looking up, making sure to avoid glancing at the three of them.

mina wraps her fingers around the tablecloth, gripping it tightly. there’s a sense of burning rising in her throat. being in this room is suffocating enough, but with the family sitting across her? she’d rather be anywhere else. this isn’t how she wanted things to go. it’s the last thing she wanted at all. what happened to her pursuing her wishes of extending her studies at a university in korea? how can her parents change their mind so quickly?

“their union will benefit us both. i’m grateful you chose us to partner with, yukina.” mina’s mother, kira, responds curtly.

“we’ve been at arm’s length for too long, i believe. this will be the deciding factor of our precedence in the industry.” masami minatozaki voices her opinion. “and we really don’t want this power to fall into the wrong hands. this advantage is mutual to us both. by wedding our daughters, we’ll bring our influence to heightened levels.”

is it fair that such a big decision is being taken on their behalf? why don’t they have a say in who they’ll be marrying? mina pretends not to bothered. these are her parents’ wishes and she’ll abide by them. she wouldn’t exchange either of them for the world. they’ve showered her with all the love and affection she desired growing up, and still do treat her like a princess. this is the only thing they’ve ever asked her for; how can she say no? she ignores the flickers of the flame of rebellion that lap at her insides.

her parents will never do anything that could bring harm to her. mina trusts them enough to state that with her entire heart.

as if noticing her misery, she feels a warm hand encompass hers. mina looks to the side and smiles when she meets the concerning gaze of her mom, sachi. the reassurance calms her down and the worries leave her immediately.

this time, when she looks across, minatozaki sana’s sharp eyes bore into her own. she bites back a gasp at the intensity, not expecting such a smouldering glare of dislike directed her way. mina knows it’s bordering hate and she feels the fear take hold of her again. more questions of suitability run around in her mind.

just, how is mina meant to deal with her if she’ll be angry at her the whole time? of course, it seems like neither of them have a choice in this union. but, mina’s fury about the issue is mellow. if this woman had such an issue with them getting married, why had she not spoken of her wishes against it? mina will not voice her thoughts to contradict her parents’ request.

she speaks too soon. moments later, the orange-haired woman confronts everyone with overflowing confidence. “aren’t we too young to be married?” minatozaki sana pauses for a moment to glance at mina, before focusing on her parents. “i’ve just crossed the age of twenty-three. i’m sure she’s younger than me.”

her eyes flicker back to mina. the way she talks with detestation laced in her tone sends shivers down mina’s spine.

“age isn’t an issue. you’re welcome to do whatever you please after marriage. it won’t hinder any of your future plans.” sachi answers, the response rolling off her tongue like she had been prepared for the question. mina feels like the answer is meant to reassure her about her wishes – it does. “and as for our mina, she’s already twenty-two. there’s barely a year’s gap between the two of you. i think that’s appropriate.”

mina fears that the woman across her will push through another argument. but, instead, she notes how her fingers curl into fists. she’s attempting to tone back her retaliation. sana talks to her parents in hushed tones, rolls her eyes to what mina believes is a rejection of something she suggests. she looks defeated, head hanging low by the end of the conversation. it breaks her heart and a part of mina feels the ugly head of guilt ram into her.

“so, does that mean we can proceed with the wedding planning?” yukina double checks one last time. her daughter flinches as she rests her hand on her shoulder. “on such notice, an intimate wedding would be the best choice.”

mina’s parents both nod, before turning to mina, asking her for her input. she looks between the two of them, risks a glance at sana. her head is still down. she curses inwardly. she’d never been one to take such pressuring decisions in her life. mina lets her heart make the choice for her. without delaying another moment, she nods, shutting her eyes as she bows her head down.

had she really made the right choice?

in that moment, she realises something. she wants this to happen, at least more than sana. their regard for this union is similar, yet still so different. at the end of it all, however, it’s clear that mina thinks this can work out between the two of them; sana thinks it can’t.

//

as expected, the organised wedding has few attendees. mina’s immediate family and her two best friends on her side. she spots a group of strangers she believes to be sana’s side of the family. she tries to count. there’s less than twenty people from their families. despite the small number of people, the minatozakis haven’t hesitated to spend lavishly on the wedding. a clear marquee is set up on their lawn with a live band already beginning their set-list of songs.

mina feels constricted in her white suit as she looks over at the crowd. the significance of the day and the life altering decision is starting to dawn on her. things will be entirely different when the two of them walk out of this place today. she shakes her head at the developing relationship between herself and sana. things aren’t going well between the two of them.

the two weeks that passed since the confirmation of their wedding have been difficult for mina. starting a conversation with sana is harder than she’d ever expected. she’s barely given any time of day, making her feel like a dog chasing after a smidge of attention. when she’d seen her for the first time, mina was already well aware it would be a task for her to break those walls. but for it to be so tough? she hadn’t thought she’d be experiencing this in the slightest.

she constantly tries to convince herself that things will be okay. but her hope in them is wavering and mina doesn’t really know if she’s making the wisest decision. perhaps, this is sana’s way of trying to chase her away. and honestly, it’s very close to working. she wants to cave into this extra pressure. whoever said getting married would be beneficial thought wrong. they probably didn’t have minatozaki sana as their bride-to-be too, though.

as she continues to ponder about her relationship with sana, a pair of comforting hands are placed on her shoulder. it’s crazy how her parents know her so well. they’re there in an instant, grounding her to the present. reminding her, this union isn’t futile. mina feels the hope rekindle in her chest and it envelopes her, a warm cocoon.

“we’re so proud of you, mi-tang.” sachi kisses the top of mina’s head tenderly. “i know you want to show us you’re being strong, but it’s okay. this is difficult. you can talk to us.”

kira is there too, not voicing her thoughts, but rather, being the one to provide reassurance through her actions. she hugs mina tight, pats her head for good measure.

“i’m worried about her, us. but i don’t want to give up just yet.” mina shifts her view on their arranged marriage. she’s sure she would’ve fallen apart if her parents hadn’t approached her just now.

“if there’s one thing we both love about you, it’s your patience, sweetheart. i could only wish kira had a quarter of what you do.” sachi chuckles when her wife groans in disapproval. “your heart is pure. your intentions are pure. sana will see that, i’m sure.”

mina nods as her parents guide her to the floral arch in the centre of the marquee. they leave her there, pressing a kiss to her cheeks. it gives her a chance to glance over the crowd, the decorations hung up on the sides. there’s a lot of purple, and mina assumes it’s sana’s favourite colour. everything looks elegant, screams all kinds of  _ rich _ . she’s not sure if she should have expected anything less. sana is their only daughter.

a series of hushes and the music shifts. mina stands up tall as the soft beats of a common romantic song starts playing.

_ please welcome the bride, minatozaki sana. _

mina feels as if the air is knocked out of her lungs. sana begins to walk in, parents on her arms as she heads down the black carpet. she’s wearing a black suit with a white tie that complements mina’s outfit. while usually her hair is let down, it’s drawn back and braided. mina thinks she looks  _ absolutely _ gorgeous.

when sana stands beside her, she refuses to meet her gaze. her eyes are locked onto the floor. mina tries to not let it get to her, but it’s difficult. she exhales shakily, deciding to join sana in staring at her feet. the minister begins the ceremony, but mina’s mind has wandered off. she’s too busy considering how they’ll get through the night like this, awkwardly avoiding each other.

_ myoui mina, do you take minatozaki sana to be your wedded wife? _

_ i do. _

_ minatozaki sana, do you take myoui mina to be your wedded wife? _

there’s a heartbeat of silence as sana doesn’t reply to the minister. mina closes her eyes, unable to bear to hear the rejection from her lips.

_ i – i do. _

there’s a forced smile on sana’s face as she agrees, but it seems to sell the crowd. they erupt in cheers, leaving both of them standing restlessly. they still have to kiss, mina realises. she doesn’t want to cross a line here.

_ you may kiss the bride. _

she feels her palms sweat as soon as the words spill from his mouth. mina tugs sana to her gently, incredibly terrified of her reaction. an apology tumbles from her lips as she turns them slightly, making sure the back of sana’s head is all that the crowd sees. mina leans in but simply hovers over sana. she doesn’t make the move to kiss her.

for the first time that evening, sana’s eyes lock onto mina’s. they’re filled with confusion but mina simply smiles and returns them both to their spots. she’d never take anything from sana without permission.

the rings feel heavy on their fingers and it takes all of mina’s strength to stop playing with it every few minutes. there’s a distance between them as they stand beside each other. they don’t realise that their parents are watching them in disappointment.

“hold hands and smile, at least.” yukina whispers to the two of them.

mina is hesitant but she reaches over to sana first, intertwines their hands together loosely. she puts a smile on her face, pretends that she’s not worried about sana’s plans to kill her when they’re alone for holding her hand. if there weren’t people taking photos, she was sure they wouldn’t have to do this. still, they listen to their parents and pretend. this is the beginning of a new journey with the two of them together, after all.

//

it’s a big shift living in their own place. of course, their parents already bought it for them, furnished and everything. what would they need a five-bedroom house for in the first place? mina cringes as she walks inside. pictures of their wedding are hung up on the wall by the entrance. they don’t look comfortable in the slightest. rather, alike to strangers – which seems to be the perfect fit. at this stage, they  _ are _ strangers.

sana walks in after mina and hesitates too upon seeing their photos. for a moment, mina believes she’ll speak, but instead, she brushes past mina and heads to the room to unpack her bag. she looks at her own bag, knows completely well it’d be futile if she headed to the same room as her wife. mina chooses another room down the hall as her own. if their parents ever came to visit them, it would be clear as day that they weren’t sleeping together like a couple should be. maybe she should keep some of her clothes in sana’s room too.

she grabs a few of her shirts and pants, some necessities that she thinks she won’t be using and saunters over to sana’s room. she hesitates, not sure if she should be entering without asking first. mina eventually chooses to knock to alert her presence.

the door opens and sana stands before her, fury lighting up her eyes. she looks down to the clothes in mina’s arms and scoffs. mina doesn’t understand why, tilts her head in confusion as she waits for sana to speak.

“if you think you’re going to be sleeping here–”

“sorry. i’m just here to put these in here in case our parents ever come to visit. i’ve already unpacked down the hall in a spare bedroom.” mina feels ashamed for cutting off her wife but in all honesty, it’s better if they get this over and done with.

sana seems taken aback with her response, but moves back to let her enter. she seeks out an empty wardrobe and pushes her clothes inside. mina works quickly to leave. she feels like she’s about to drown with her wife’s gaze constantly on her.

“i’ll leave now. sorry for disturbing you. hope you have a good rest.” mina scrambles to exit the room. she doesn’t receive an answer, the door slamming shut behind her.

as she moves to rest on her bed, mina heaves a sigh. the craziest twenty four hours of her life just passed by. she’s now married to someone who doesn’t want to see her face. someone who probably didn’t even want to get married at all. maybe there’s someone else she’d wanted to get married to? but then again, no one wants to be pushed in a marriage with a stranger. sana’s feelings are completely valid.

mina changes into her pyjamas and slips under the covers of her bed. she rests her head on her elbow and stares at the ceiling. by far, this has been the weirdest few weeks of her life. her wishes of further studies seem bleak, out of reach. she’ll probably have to start work from tomorrow, continuing her fast tracked journey to become the leader of her parents’ company. there’s no more time for her to pursue anything else.

she grumbles in disappointment and turns around, hoping to find sleep in a foreign place far from feeling like home.

surprisingly, mina does manage to fall asleep. it’s her alarm that stirs her awake at eight am. though, it’s more of a shock that she can already hear someone walking around the house. it seems like sana is already awake and in the kitchen. mina rushes out of bed, realising she’ll have to exit her room to get to the bathroom because  _ of course _ she’d choose the spare bedroom that didn’t have an en suite attached. she avoids sana’s gaze in her attempt to hurry down the hall. she feels the embarrassment creep in, cheeks tainted red. it’s only when she enters the bathroom that she releases a sigh of relief.

she’s sure she’s invented a new walk of shame for herself. when mina walks to their dining table, her eyes are locked to the floor. she doesn’t even want to look up, too embarrassed to deal with her wife. but sana clears her throat and mina knows she wants her to pay attention. so, she lifts her head up cautiously.

instead of teasing her, sana is again looking at her in confusion. “i didn’t know what you liked. it’s a simple breakfast.”

mina takes this as progress. sana is talking to her, albeit not a long conversation. but, a little goes a long way when someone is in the situation she’s in. she digs into the prepared meal, unaware that sana is gauging her reaction from the other end of the table. she doesn’t realise the way the corners of sana’s lips lift a smidge when mina smiles at the taste.

there’s only silence when the two of them eat. it’s not as unbearable as the night before. neither of them try to fill the quietness with nonsense talk and it’s appreciated on both of their behalf’s.

they clear the dishes quietly, mina thanking sana for the breakfast and promising to make dinner when they return from work. she almost misses it, but sana nods curtly. perhaps this wouldn’t be as bad as mina expected. this is progress, a lot of good progress.

she’s about to exit their house when mina is baffled by the presence of their parents at their front door. she retreats back in, guides the four of them to the lounge to have a seat. thankfully, they don’t note the shift in mina’s stature as she calls for her wife. sana rushes moments later, wondering why their parents were at their house so early in the morning.

“where are you two going?” yukina frowns at their outfits.

“work.” they both answer simultaneously.

the four parents shake their heads at the answer, leaving mina and sana standing in utter confusion. what is that meant to mean?

“you’re not going into work for a week.” sachi’s disapproval is clear in her voice. “you can’t get married and then return to work the next day.”

mina panics, having an inkling to where this conversation is going. beside her, sana stills too, likely to understand the situation.

are they insane to have them cooped up together for a whole week? without any distractions?

“you’re going on a honeymoon.” masami declares. there’s no room for argument after her words. “we’ve booked everything already. we wanted to tell you beforehand but it would’ve been more pressure added from the wedding.”

there’s two booklets placed on the table, along with their passports. mina is finding it difficult to wrap everything around her head.

“but what about work? we can’t just leave.” sana gasps, utterly horrified her parents actually went through with this decision.

“she’s right. we have a lot to do. one week is too long.” mina backs her wife up on this issue. she’s outraged they’d push them this much. marriage is one thing, but a honeymoon is a complete other problem.

“we’ll all handle the work. one week away is nothing. you both have been overworking at work, take this chance to unwind and relax. if there aren’t any more issues, we’ll leave now. your check-in will be in seven hours. you should be at the airport by then.” kira ends their conversation, along with any chances of arguing again.

when their parents walk out, the two of them sigh in defeat. mina couldn’t even focus on the positives of this trip. hawaii sounded beautiful, but going there with sana? that sounds like it’ll definitely be something she’ll never forget.

she picks up their itinerary and reads over it, sana picking up the other. mina catches the sight of their names on the bookings and it brings a tint of pink across her cheeks.

_ minatozaki sana and minatozaki mina _

though, the moment is shattered when she hears sana grimace beside her. the smile drops from mina’s face and she shuffles back, away from her wife.

“sorry.” mina apologises as she heads to her room.

“stop.” sana’s voice is barely above a whisper as she calls for mina. she freezes in her spot immediately, waiting for sana to continue. “you need to stop saying sorry.”

had she been saying it that frequently? mina hadn’t picked up on it. it’s just that sana seems to hate the idea of being the same room with her that all she can do is apologise for it.

“sorr– ah, i’ll try. you’re just making it clear that you don’t want this. i’m trying not to crowd you too much.” mina gnaws on her bottom lip as she hears sana mutter under her breath.

“it’s difficult. this is new. i don’t want to make you feel like you’re not wanted. i don’t know how to deal with any of this.” sana responds with her true feelings.

“then, i guess we have one week to deal with it. we should probably start packing.” mina looks at the time and returns to the path of her room.

when she’s inside the safety of her room, mina gasps, drawing in a deep breath of air. she slides down the door, hand resting over her beating heart. that conversation  _ terrified _ her to her bones. it’s not so much being in the same room, rather, it’s sana talking to her that’s the problem. the past two weeks had traumatised her so much that hearing her wife speak to her without malice is not something she feels like she can handle.

//

the flight to hawaii takes about seven hours from japan. it’s an evening flight. they’ll be reaching their destination in the early hours of the morning. everything is already organised, so really, there’s nothing for them to worry about. but for mina, the thought of spending the entire time next to sana is ridiculously unsettling and that’s all she can think about.

despite the two of them wearing baseball caps at the airport, the press still manages to seek them out amongst the crowd of travellers. sana is standing behind her and mina does her best to hide her from the photographs. she’s well aware that she has a great sense of dislike for anyone who imposes on her privacy. mina is still thinking about keeping her hidden when she feels a bump behind her and a tight grip on her jacket.

panic builds up in mina’s throat, fear crawling against her skin. however, the clicks and flashes of the camera are enough for her to pick up that it’s  _ sana _ and her heart eases a bit, thankful it isn’t some stranger.

“sorry. someone bumped into me from behind.” sana mutters sheepishly, still trying to hide her face from the public.

she remains attached to mina like that all the way to the boarding gates. even though there aren’t any photographers around anymore, sana doesn’t let go. it’s only when they sit down and begin waiting for them to call passengers that she lets go. in the midst of it all, mina believes sana hadn’t realised she had a grip on her. it worries her, but she remains silent. she hopes the photographers won’t follow them to hawaii.

they board the plane first and mina realises it’s because their parents bought them first class tickets. both of their seats are relatively in their own space so they don’t have to worry about crossing over to the other side.

even after years of travelling, mina still can’t get used to the feeling. when they turn on the runway, the propellers on full power, she feels her body start to tremble. curious eyes are on her, this time in significant worry. they start moving and she stiffens, the anxiety heightening. however, all of it evaporates into thin air when there’s a palm covering mina’s fisted hand.

“breathe. it’ll be okay.” sana’s soft voice comforts mina and she lets out a shaky breath. her eyes are shut tightly as they begin to leave the tarmac, steeply inclining towards the sky. it’s only once they plane straightens that mina relaxes.

“thank you.” mina whispers. she immediately feels the loss of sana’s warmth when she pulls her hand back.

she receives a nod before sana turns to focus on the screen in front of her, busying herself and watching a movie. mina knows that’s enough of them interacting for the rest of the flight. she reclines her seat and turns over, letting herself succumb to sleep.

//

hours later, when mina comes to, there’s a blanket covering her. she doesn’t remember when she’d pulled that on top of herself. she glances over at sana and notices she’s fast asleep. mina drapes the blanket over her before returning to her seat. she calls for her meal since she slept through it, digging in as she occasionally peeks at her wife. mina can only assume that it was her who asked for the blanket.

with a few hours remaining, mina fills up the time by playing on her nintendo switch. she’s so invested, she doesn’t even realise that they’ve landed. she looks outside but it’s pitch black, too dark to see anything other than the lights across the airport. beside her, sana wakes up and stretches as the plane taxis on the tarmac.

they’re officially in hawaii.

despite sleeping through half the plane ride, mina feels the exhaustion seeping into her skin. she just wants to collapse on a bed already. sluggishly, the two of them proceed through immigration and baggage claim. a dreadfully long hour later, they exit, seeking their driver as soon as they step out of customs.

they’re hit with a wave of heat. neither of them expected hawaii to be so warm early in the morning. mina searches through the tens of people holding up names for incoming passengers. towards the end of the line, mina finally sees their names. she taps sana, pointing to the woman at the back.

“hello, we’re mina and sana.” mina greets the woman, shaking her head.

“welcome to hawaii! my name is momo. i’ll be your driver and tour guide here.” the woman seems incredibly enthusiastic. “let me take your bags for you.”

before either of them can speak, momo has taken both of their bags, mina and sana following her to their organised transport.

the place they’ll be staying at is a short distance from the airport, thankfully. fifteen minutes later, momo has them standing by the check-in of aston waikiki beach tower. she leaves as soon as an attendant approaches the two of them, wishing them well for the remainder of the morning.

mina gasps at the beauty of their room as they step inside. the sun is starting to creep above the horizon, light filling up the room. through the window, she can see the beach below, a short distance from their location. there couldn’t be a possible downfall to where they were staying. apparently, breakfast is included too. mina shakes her head at their parents’ choice. they really wanted them to be as comfortable as they could.

as she tours around the apartment, she stills when they reach the bedroom. ah, the one downfall. there’s only one bed in the room. sana is right behind her and she pauses when they enter, hesitant on what to do. but mina won’t let her be. she chooses to be the sacrificial lamb.

“i’ll take the couch.” mina announces before sana speaks. “i’ll just wash up first and then rest up there.”

the silence in the room is deafening. mina attempts to make a hasty exit for the sake of her peace of mind.

“mina. you don’t have to take the couch.” sana holds mina’s arm to prevent her from leaving the room. mina’s breath hitches. it’s the first time sana has said her name since they met and she hates how it sounds so beautiful coming from her.

“it’s fine. it’s only for a week. i think i can survive sleeping on the couch. it  _ does _ turn into a bed anyway.” mina brushes off sana’s worry with a small smile.

when she exits the shower, her sofa bed is pulled out already. there’s a blanket and a pillow on the edge and it brings a smile to mina’s face. sana isn’t very vocal about her actions but mina thinks it’s cute how she tries to do everything secretly. alike to mina, who’s still very hesitant about romantic gestures. she’s not sure if she’ll cross a line.

later in the morning, mina wakes up without sana in their room. she groans, wanting to shove her head back into the pillow and sleep some more. but, it’s nearing ten am. she washes up and is about to dial room service for her breakfast when she notices a note on the breakfast bar.

_ ordered food for you. it’s in the microwave. _

_ \- sana _

she could’ve at least left a note about her location too. where had she gone off to so early in the morning? if sana can wander off on her own, she’ll do the same. mina disregards the thought and focuses on eating her breakfast instead. she decides to take a walk down to the beach after she’s eaten, it’s only a hundred metres away from the apartment.

mina sighs softly as she takes her slippers off, lets her feet sink into the golden sand of  _ kuhio beach _ . it feels warm and she shudders in the sun, basking in the glorious heat. she steps closer to the water and rolls her pants. she’s in love with the feel of the coldness of the sea against her heated skin. hawaii was a brilliant choice.

she doesn’t realise how long she spends out there, simply watching the waves crash on the shore. there’s something utterly soothing about the gentle movements, the sounds of the ocean making her feel more at peace than she’s ever felt. this is the true attraction of hawaii, she guesses. the friendly people and the beautiful scenery. mina has never appreciated beauty as much as she has in this place here. it’s slow, unlike the fast-paced life she’s used to living in japan. she thinks she could live here someday in the future, when she’s old and ready to retire.

when she starts to feel a chill, mina figures she’s been out for too long. with hurried steps, she returns to their apartment, making sure to rid her feet of any remaining sand before entering. it’s quiet, but there’s a shower running. sana must’ve returned a little while ago. she moves to sit on the couch when her phone buzzes in her pocket.

_ incoming call from mom… _

“mom, is everything okay?” mina picks up the phone immediately. sana exits the shower that moment, pausing when she realises mina is on the phone.

“sweetheart, is sana with you?” sachi asks. “we need to talk to you both.”

“yes, she’s listening mom.” mina’s voice is shaking slightly, worrying about what the call is for.

“the reason why we sent you on that honeymoon was for you two to spend some time together. we want you to get to know each other.” sachi pauses for a moment. “how will you two do that if you’re going to places alone? dear, there have been photos sent here and people are starting to think that the whole marriage is fake. no one spends time alone on a honeymoon. i hope you can change this tomorrow.”

“sorry mom. we just landed this morning so we’re still a bit restless to leave the apartment for some time to ourselves.” mina sighs, holding her head in her free hand. “we’ll go out together from tomorrow.”

“it’s okay, i’m sorry to have to talk to you about this. like i said, i know it’s difficult and something new. we’re here to guide you through this. i hope you two are settling in alright. the time difference is a little baffling. how did you go with the traveling?” sachi’s concern is evident in her tone. it makes sana smile as she notices how precious their bond is.

“ah, i think we both knocked out when we hit the bed.” mina recounts the happenings from the night before. “well, the flight was a little bit unsettling. but sana made it bearable.”

too embarrassed after her confession, mina refuses to look up, knowing very well that sana’s gaze is already on her. the words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself and now she regrets it. there’s a series of giggles on the other side of the phone call and mina knows it’s both of her mothers who were laughing at her misery.

“alright, we’ll stop the teasing. rest well. talk to you both later, sweethearts.” sachi hangs up the phone.

still unwilling to deal with sana after the conversation with her parents, mina chooses to redirect the conversation. after all, she’s still suffering from the embarrassment from her confession of sana’s great help.

“so, dinner? should i order something? or do you want to go out?” mina changes the subject smoothly. well, she hopes it comes off that way.

sana chooses to stay in that evening. maybe because she doesn’t want to be seen outside with mina. but, they’ll have to  _ try _ to do their part as a wedded couple. that would probably mean hand holding, some affectionate hugs here and there and maybe even some kisses. though, a part of mina feels like she’d probably be better off kissing herself in the mirror than attempting to kiss her wife first.

//

mina had set an alarm for the following morning to make sure she woke up before sana tried to sneak out again. but, she hadn’t expected to wake up hours before her alarm went off. what is meant to do now? she doubts she’d be able to go back to sleep in this state. maybe, she can formulate a plan for the day. a rough list of places they can tour around with momo leading them, or something along those lines.

they’re meant to be going out together and she’ll make sure that happens, unlike yesterday. she’s not quite sure where they can go, but there are definitely some lovely places around their apartment location.

instead of spending time staring at the ceiling, mina decides to tidy up her sofa bed at least. she’s just delaying when to go into sana’s room. the thing is, she doesn’t want to walk inside to catch her off-guard. because, it’s possible she might scare her if she tries to retrieve her clothes. or rather, mina is overthinking everything and believes it would be a grave mistake if she heads inside there at this time of morning.

she thinks again. her switch is in there too. if she can sneak in quietly, grab her bag and leave the room, mina will be safe and sound.

standing outside the door, she opens the door quietly, not wanting to make too much noise. thankfully, the door doesn’t creak. mina tip toes, finds her bag easily and grabs it. she’s about to exit the room again when she hears a groan. had she woken sana up? mina risks a glance towards her wife, notices the frown between her brows. she doesn’t look too well. should she check? no, she’ll be on the end of that fiery anger she experienced when they first met. mina doesn’t want to deal with that ever again.

she beelines towards the door, afraid that the longer she stays in the room, the quicker her resolve will crack. but just as she reaches the handle, mina almost drops the bag in her arms when she hears sana mutter in her sleep.

_ mina. _

what is that meant to mean? panic flares in mina’s chest as her name escapes her wife’s lips. is she aware of her presence in the room or is she dreaming about her? or does she want her to come closer? mina is about to go out of her mind with the questions popping up in her head. all she wanted when she walked into this room were her personal items. now, instead, she’s about to make a crazy decision.

she drops the bag back on the floor and takes hesitant steps towards sana, who’s still muttering in her sleep. mina grabs a few tissues and leans closer, trying to dab away the sweat forming on her wife’s head. if she’s at this distance, surely, nothing will happen.

“shh. it’s a bad dream.” mina thinks she’s saying the right thing. comforting words will help in such situations. when sana stills, she moves back cautiously. but, one step forward is all she takes when there’s a grip on her arm that tugs her back.

sana’s not awake. she’s not asleep either. however, she has a strong grasp on mina’s hand and it doesn’t seem like she intends to let go anytime soon. rather, the grip on her arm tightens, leaving mina flailing like a fish as she tries not to squash her wife on the bed. here she is, sitting beside sana, when she should be outside. here she is, sitting with her heart about to burst out of her chest.

because in the years of her loving this woman beside her, she’d never have expected to be this close.

//

(the story of how she falls in love with sana is something she’s hidden from her parents and friends. in fact, no one in mina’s family is aware of how her silly crush slowly evolved into something more.

growing up with sana never helped. on the contrary, mina would admit that it made things  _ worse _ . it never gave her a chance to move on. now, it’s disconcerting to consider that at one stage in their past, they  _ did _ know each other.

in their current situation, they feel more like strangers than ever before)

//

when sana comes to, she takes a moment to register her surroundings.

remnants of last night cling onto her mind. in the midst of her sleep, she recalls having a terrible nightmare about her wife. but, it’s all a hazy memory now.

she shuffles over, not realising there’s an added weight attached to her.

“awake now?” mina teases her. it takes sana a moment to register what’s going on. is she still dreaming, perhaps?

instead of saying anything, sana pushes mina off her, trying to create distance between them. her wife falls onto the floor and she covers her mouth as she hears mina whine about the pain. she hadn’t meant to push her that hard.

“well, that’s definitely the biggest morning greeting i’ve had so far.” mina grumbles, holding her back as she stands up. sana seems to be frozen in her spot for longer than she realises, still appalled by her own reaction.

“i’m sorry, i got frightened. do i need to grab an ice pack? or a heat pack? does it hurt a lot? i’m really, really sorry.” sana rambles off a series of apologies, guilt eating at her. why is nothing going her way with their relationship?

“it’s okay, really. next time maybe just give me a warning before you throw me off the bed.” mina laughs as she makes a move to leave the room. “are you feeling okay now? you seemed to be having a bad dream.”

“yes. i didn’t realise i kept you here with me. i’m really–”

“you better not be saying sorry again. i already slept well.” mina cuts off sana’s next apology.

she pouts unconsciously, not realising mina’s soft smile directed at her.

“let’s go. we have a long day ahead.” mina slides out of the bed first, heading out the door. “i told momo to pick us up in an hour.”

sana nods, letting mina walk out of the door before she groans and shoves her face into the pillows on the bed. the embarrassment is creeping in now. every time she wants to do something right, she does the opposite. it’s as if her mind and heart are working against each other instead of teaming up. just like the times she’s wanted to thank mina, but ended up shooting daggers at her. or, when she’s wanted to ask mina if something was wrong, but remained silent. her only wish is for them to work in union, just  _ once _ (and then, perhaps, more times consequently).

while mina is in the bathroom, sana makes the decision to call up their breakfast. at least that way, the two of them will be ready to leave quicker when momo arrives. for the first time since they’ve been married, sana feels like the silence during their breakfast is completely comfortable. and, she thinks it’s good progress.

//

“the aquarium is special here. waikiki aquarium first opened all the way back in 1904 and is the second oldest aquarium to exist in the united states.” momo begins talking about their first stop of the day as soon as sana and mina sit inside the car.

mina is at the back with sana, compared to last time, where she chose the front seat to keep distance between them. ah, but they have to do a better job of showing they aren’t truly strangers as what half of japan thinks they are.

“we’re here.”

now, sana understands why momo had begun talking so soon. the drive had been only a short five minutes from the apartment.

“i’ll be back whenever you call me to pick you up. i hope you both have a good time here!” momo grins as she drops them off at the entrance.

“we’ll probably walk back. but if we change our minds, we’ll let you know.” sana cuts in, taking mina by surprise. it  _ is _ a short distance after all; it would take less than twenty minutes to reach their apartments. and, it’ll come with a bonus of enjoying some of the peacefulness of hawaii. “it won’t take long to walk from here back, right?”

“fifteen minutes, roughly.” momo nods. “you can have lunch at of the cafés nearby. they use local ingredients for the finest dishes.”

“thanks momo. we’ll take it from here.” mina waves at their driver before heading to buy their tickets. when they near the counter, she speaks up again. “are you sure you want to visit this place? i’m sure we could rearrange for something you’d enjoy.”

“and how would you know that i won’t enjoy visiting this place?” sana raises an eyebrow. she doesn’t get a response but she can mina repeatedly attempt to form an answer. a laugh escapes before she can keep it in. though, a moment later, sana squints when a beam of light hits her eyes. “uh, mina. maybe you want to hold my hand.”

“what?” mina is extremely flabbergasted at the request. she looks at sana as if she’s grown another head.

“hurry! the photographers are behind the trees.” sana ushers her wife to do something. she’s about to do it herself when mina intertwines their fingers together.

sana’s heart pounds at the touch, mina’s skin burning into hers. she’d never expected something to feel  _ so _ right than the way their hands slot together. she manages to keep off the red hue spreading across her skin with some difficulty. despite this being a new feeling she’s experienced, sana can’t fathom the way she loves this already.

“how did you spot them?” mina asks as they walk forward. it breaks sana out of her daze and she realises that they’re next in line to buy their tickets now.

“i felt a flash hit my eyes from the shade. considering there’s nothing out here but the sun, i don’t think it can be anything else.” sana explains. “they’ve really followed us here all the way from japan.” she scoffs.

_ next! _

they’re given their tickets and a map of the aquarium upon entering the building. they don’t even know where to begin. sana laughs when mina suggests to close her eyes and point to a place. she still listens, ignoring the way her heart flips in her chest when mina laughs at where her finger ends up pointing.

“let’s go to the ocean!” mina giggles at sana’s demise. sana’s random spot ended up being an unmarked location on their map. when she begins to whine again, mina pats her head. neither of them even realise. “alright, alright. how about we go to a place that’s the closest to what you pointed at? do you want to go to the  _ edge of the reef _ or see the  _ hawaiian monk seals _ ?”

“how about we see the seals first?” sana decides, letting mina guide her in the right direction.

the place is busier than they expect and it’s difficult to wedge through the great amount of people. somehow, sana ends up being in between mina’s arms as she pushes through to the edge. she could’ve sworn she heard mina snarl at someone at one stage – they’d bumped into sana a little bit too strongly, making her wince. she peeks up at mina’s face, catching her looking back at her in that instant. sana’s unable to stop her cheeks from reddening this time and she turns to face the front, waiting for the seal to appear.

she draws in a deep breath, feeling her wife’s hands securely gripping her waist. this is it, she thinks. this the way sana will die.

then it gets worse.

mina rests her chin on sana’s shoulder. and, it’s safe to say, her heart is not the same. feels more like she’s about to combust. the way mina is so close to her is overwhelming, blares all the alarms in her mind. she hopes, she  _ really _ hopes that her wife can’t hear the way her heart is racing – praying that it falls on deaf ears. because, as close as they are, sana thinks it’s almost impossible for mina not to catch on.

“oh! it’s there!” mina points in the water, distracting sana from her wandering thoughts. she follows her finger and a smile makes way on her face as she spots one of the seals underwater. sana stares in awe, amazed by the beauty of the mammal.

the two spend a little over ten minutes watching the seal before they think it’s time to move on. this time, it’s mina that chooses the destination and they find themselves in a new section,  _ hunters on the reef _ . sana learns that mina has an odd soft spot for sharks. when she seeks out the zebra shark in the tank, her eyes light up in excitement, sana following. okay, maybe that shark is the only exception sana will make; it’s so pretty.

“did you see? it’s adorable, isn’t it?” mina admires the spotted shark as it swims along. well, sana wouldn’t agree on the term, but she nods along anyway.

they continue their journey through the aquarium and it’s mainly a whole lot of mina being amazed by anything and everything. sana believes the sight of mina’s glimmering eyes is one she’ll never forget. she’s completely immersed in watching her wife’s reaction to everything, that there’s something she doesn’t even realise.

the entire time they tour around, the one thing sana doesn’t fail to notice: mina never lets her hand go.

//

they stop by a café for lunch as momo suggested.  _ barefoot beach café _ is merely five minutes away from the aquarium. sana opts to have a burger, mina resorting to an acai bowl. while her wife claims she’s not that hungry, she can clearly see the way her eyes follow sana’s burger each time she takes a bite. she rolls her eyes and pushes the burger in mina’s direction, asking her to take a bite. sana almost chuckles when mina’s cheeks turn pink, too shy to eat from the burger but sana insists, holding it out for her.

she shakes her head. of course, mina would basically just nibble on the edge. sana scolds her, tells her to take a bigger bite.

(they’ve come to this stage where they don’t even realise that there are photographers around them anymore; everything comes naturally to two after being attached to each other all day.

it’s kind of terrifying, actually)

the walk back to their apartment is quiet. a part of them both is glad that they’re walking back to their apartment instead of driving back with momo. sana’s the one reaching out to hold hands this time, tangling their fingers loosely. the waves on the beach are lulling, easing away their tiredness after the long day. sana feels as if she’s never been this relaxed before. her entire life has been consistently busy, filled with meetings and paper work and trying to stay on top of things. she’ll never fail to appreciate this momentary slice of peace.

“i think i could sleep for a day.” mina whines as she collapses on the couch. “there’s no more energy left in my bones.”

“do you want to stay in for the night? take a nap for a little bit.” sana suggests. “i spotted a sushi place on the way back where we could go later, but if you don’t want to eat there we can always eat in. it opens at five anyway.”

“sounds good to me. rest up well, sana.” mina flashes a tired smile at her before turning over and succumbing to sleep.

sana tries for ten minutes. tosses and turns, changes her position countless times, but it’s to no avail. those few hours of good sleep she’d gotten this morning escapes her grasp now because it was mina who’d helped her fall back to sleep. now, she’s laying down, feeling exhausted, yet unable to fall asleep because she’s missing one thing.

it will be crazy of her to even suggest sleeping next to mina at all. sana can’t rock up to her wife and claim she can’t sleep and needs to hug someone in order to fall asleep. she gives up then, ready to leave the room and sit outside on the balcony instead.

but, when she opens the door, mina is standing in front, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck.

“oh, did you need something? you’re welcome to grab it.” sana gives way for mina to enter the room.

“you’re not sleeping?”

“couldn’t sleep. after this morning…”

there’s a beat of silence when sana speaks. she doesn’t know why she said it. another one of those times where she speaks without thinking.

“do you want me to sleep next to you?” mina offers without a drop of hesitation. sana wavers, struggling to form an answer. she wants to say yes, but she’s also terrified of agreeing.

“would that be okay?” sana gnaws on her bottom lip, almost drawing blood from the worry brewing in her chest.

“if you’re okay with it.” mina nods, offering a small smile as if she’s aware of how anxious sana is about it. “you can say no too. i want you to be comfortable.”

“we might as well start learning to sleep together, right? this would be a good first step.” sana attempts to justify her wishes even though it’s unnecessary. she doesn’t notice the way mina seemed to cringe at the excuse.

she climbs into the bed first, taking the right side of the bed that faces the window. sana feels like she can hear how loud her heart is beating, rushing in her ears. she hears the ruffle of the bedsheets. the heat from mina’s body radiates and seeps into sana’s skin. there’s still a gap between the two – it’s almost as if they’re both holding their breaths, trying to appease the other. that is, until sana caves in. she exhales heavily and shuffles back. she attempts to find mina’s hand.

“you can come closer, you know. i don’t bite.” sana laughs in an attempt to ease the awkwardness. it works. mina’s arms brush against sana’s.

“can i cuddle you?” mina asks meekly. her hands are hovering on top of sana’s waist as she awaits an answer.

rather than speaking, sana gently tugs mina’s hand down, letting it rest on her stomach. her fingers linger across mina’s, loosely interweaved. they both relax then, worries finally disappearing. sighing softly, sana closes her eyes and drifts off, feeling comfortable and safe in mina’s embrace.

//

hours later, sana is the one who stirs awake first. mina’s heavy breathing against her neck tells her that her wife is still fast asleep. her arm is still looped around sana’s waist, in the same position. she leans for her phone to check the time; it’s just after six pm. she needs to leave the bed, but she’s also extremely cosy. leaving means pulling away from this moment of contentment and she doesn’t want to do that just yet.

unknowingly, sana plays with mina’s fingers, sliding her own across them. she’s caught by surprise when mina slips her fingers through, gripping tightly. well, there go her plans of trying to leave the bed.

or, maybe the world isn’t against her yet. mina moves around a few minutes later, possibly ending this misery where she feels like her heart is about to jump out of her chest.

“sana? what time is it?” mina mumbles, voice laced with sleep. she pulls back and suddenly sana feels extremely cold.

“just after six.”

“is it the bed that’s comfortable or am i too tired? i don’t want to leave.”

“probably because you’ve been sleeping on the couch. this would be a lavish upgrade.”

silence falls between them, one that’s the calming type of quiet.

“dinner in an hour?” mina decides, earning a nod of approval from sana. the two roll out of bed slowly, taking their time to enjoy the last of the warmth.

//

the duo walk into  _ sansei seafood restaurant & sushi bar _ one and a half hours later. the place is quaint, the live entertainment at the front adding to its beauty. it seems like they have themed evenings for patrons and today seems to be one of 80s romance. all sana can pick up on is the familiar voice of whitney houston.

they’re guided to a table and both of them are quick to order as soon as their menus come along. sana can’t quite help flicking her gaze towards the mini dancefloor the restaurant has. a few couples are cheekily dancing with their partners, wearing flowers behind their ears. she’s so distracted in her daze, she doesn’t see mina sneak away.

a tap on her shoulder breaks her out of her thoughts. sana’s eyes widen when she sees mina beside her, a yellow hibiscus in her hand. there’s a soft smile on her face as she offers the flower to sana to put behind her ear. sana struggles to put it on herself and mina chuckles, letting her be for a few moments more. it’s only when she’s close to giving up that mina takes the flower back.

“may i?” mina twirls the stem between her fingers as sana pushes her hair back. she doesn’t hear the way sana inhales sharply when she moves closer.

gentle fingers slide the stem of the hibiscus behind sana’s ear and that shy smile is playing on mina’s lips again when she pulls back.

“we have about ten minutes. can i have this dance, sana?” mina presents her hand to sana to take. she rests her hand on mina’s and is immediately pulled out of her seat. sana squeals because of the sudden movement but quickly settles when mina directs them to the dancefloor.

“have you done this before?” sana asks, unsure of where to put her hands. mina nods and there’s a sense of burning across her chest at the thought. she’s there to help sana, guiding her hands to rest on mina’s shoulders while she places her own on sana’s waist.

they sway slowly on purpose. mina leads them while sana can only be conscious about where her feet land. mina giggles when she notices what sana is doing and shakes her head. “there’s no way you can squash my feet. my mom taught me that when i was younger.”

a dust of pink spreads across sana’s cheeks as she looks away from mina’s teasing gaze. she’s not sure why she’s tempted, but she rests her head against mina’s shoulder. her wife’s grip on her waist tightens and sana feels herself being tucked against mina. it’s as if they’re a perfect fit; moulded as one.

//

(they don’t let go of each other for the rest of the evening. and, sana makes sure that mina doesn’t sleep on the couch either.

something about her back hurting too much if she keeps sleeping there)

//

how can you go to hawaii and leave without trying to surf? mina encourages them to try it out the next morning. sana is hell bent against it. she’s never been one to try risky sports. in the end, it’s only mina that goes for the surfing lessons. sana sits by the water and watches her wife go into the waters. her whole attention is taken up by mina, who’s laughing at something the instructor says to her.

if there would be one word to describe myoui mina’s entirety in sana’s books, it would definitely be  _ ethereal _ . the girl is stunningly beautiful – and no, it’s not something she’s realised just now because she’s in a swimsuit.

before sana can continue thinking about how beautiful her wife is, she feels red hot anger take a hold of her. her gaze narrows onto the woman beside her wife. who does she think she is to touch her wife like that? oh,  _ wow _ . she’s even guiding her onto the surfboard. sana tells herself to breathe, tries to calm herself down.

she chooses to focus on mina instead. mina having fun in the water. mina laughing while falling off the board. mina stupidly waving at her.

sana’s gaze is on her the entire time. she counts down until the one-hour lesson is over before walking up to mina. that annoying instructor has her hands all over mina  _ again _ . god, can’t she see that there’s a ring on her finger? mina doesn’t even realise sana is coming her way, laughing at something the woman in front of her says. it doesn’t deter her, only makes her take bigger steps towards her wife.

once she’s within reach, sana wraps her arm around mina’s waist, kisses her cheek for good measure. she tries not to react when mina immediately places her hands over sana’s.

“you done?” sana hooks her chin over mina’s shoulder. “it looked like you had fun out there.”

“i told you to join me. you could’ve had fun too.” mina’s voice is gentle as she looks back at sana. there’s a hint of confusion in her eyes but an adorable smile playing on her lips.

the instructor had left a few moments ago but sana still doesn’t want to let go. her heart is unwilling. her mind is.

“photographers.” sana explains her actions without thinking.

she pretends she doesn’t hear her heart crack when mina’s smile dims.

//

things between them shift back a little bit. less hand holding. less smiles. sana knows it’s her fault, but she can’t take back what she said. she wants to forget. she pretends that it doesn’t hurt her when in fact, she feels like her heart has been ripped from her chest.

mina looks at her and sana feels like she’s looking  _ through _ her. everything they do together makes her feel like they’re miles apart. whatever distance that they’d covered to meet in the middle is now pushed back, doubled.

at first, sana had thought it would be easier on her to do this, create this distance. but, on the contrary, it’s become worse. the ache in her chest isn’t going away. and mina’s eyes. mina’s eyes are slowly breaking sana apart.

she can’t do it. mina is doing such a good job of  _ pretending _ to be in love with her but sana already  _ is _ .

(she’s in love with mina and she doesn’t want things to go this way.

mina deserves better. she deserves more than what this marriage has become. and sana can’t taint it more by voicing her feelings)

//

“i’ll be going out for a bit. i’m not sure when i’ll be back.” sana barely receives a nod from her wife as she leaves their apartment.

it’s so suffocating being in the same room as mina now. barely any talking, any chatting. just, pure silence. maybe, she can take her mind off things, have some fun tonight and let go. this whole thing has turned into a mess and sana doesn’t know how to fix it. she can’t pretend to get over mina when she’s head deep in her feelings.

there’s someone already eyeing her as soon as she enters the club. sana feels it, tries to look around. at the back. there’s barely enough light but sana can see a woman leaning against the wall. she moves through the mass of people, dancing through the crowd until she reaches a clearing.

the woman is in front of her. this is sana’s chance to forget and move on.

but.

why is it that she keeps seeing mina’s eyes?

_ she needs to forget. _

why is it that she keeps seeing mina’s smile?

_ she needs to forget. _

why is it that she keeps seeing mina?

_ she needs to… forget. _

//

mina is still waiting in their apartment. she’s fiddling with a pen, glancing at the clock every few minutes. she’s sure her eyes are red. from crying or from staying awake – or, both. it’s just after three am. sana is still not back. there’s a fear deeply rooted in her heart but mina doesn’t want to believe it. she waits for sana to come back.

and she does. an hour later. sana giggles as she tries to enter. she’s drunk. and, that’s definitely not her perfume. mina doesn’t know what to do. she can’t say anything right now. she helps sana to her bed and tucks her in.

she chooses to sleep on the sofa bed again. mina doesn’t know how she’ll face sana in the morning. her heart feels like it’s shattered into pieces, jagged edges piercing into her skin. it hurts. was she dreaming too big to consider that they could be together one day? the first of the onslaught of tears escape her eyes before she can stop them. mina tries to muffle her cries, cocooning herself in the blankets that give her the only sense of comfort that she never thought she’d be relying on again. she cries as much as she can. tomorrow, she knows things will never be the same.

//

hours later, mina is feeling exhausted as her alarm blares in the living room. she tidies everything up quietly, orders their breakfast as normal. she’s trying to prepare – steel herself before sana walks out of that door. there’s only one thing mina can think of right now. one question that’s looping in her brain.

when sana  _ does _ walk out of her room a short while later, she looks at mina in confusion. she doesn’t seem hungover but, she’s still in the process of waking up. mina closes her eyes, takes a deep breath. she can’t let the emotions get the better of her.

“would it… would it really be that bad if you tried to love me?” mina’s voice cracks as she voices the question that’s been stuck in her head. she can’t look up at sana. can’t cave again and have hope blooming in her chest from something that’s impossible.

//

(but, if she  _ had  _ looked up – she would’ve noticed sana sport the same look of heartbreak. she did what she never wanted to do; hurt mina

she turned away last night. nothing had happened because all her mind could think about was mina. sana simply talked that woman’s ear off about how utterly amazing myoui mina is, along with their story.

now, she can add another part to it: how she lost her)

//

even though they’re still in hawaii for a few more days, there’s a stark difference from the start of their trip to now. at least, the two of them seemed happier. now, it’s as if there’s only clouds of misery hovering over them.

they hold hands, but it’s only for show.

they smile, but it’s all forced.

they don’t talk. there’s only silence. it’s no longer the comfortable silence between them. it’s icy and cold and only pushes them further apart than ever before.

nothing is the same anymore. they’ve flipped completely. they spend more time in the apartment doing their own things. mina plays on her switch, sana stays cooped up in her room. neither of them know about the number of tears shed during the night. neither of them are aware that each other’s nights are spent without an ounce of sleep.

words left unsaid lay on their tongues, yet neither of them feel courageous enough to speak. that’s how they shovel their feelings deeper into their chest, ignoring the flaring of pain each time they’re close to each other. it’s better to stay quiet. better to bury the feelings that could’ve been instead of carrying it with them as if there’s any hope. holding on means there’s hope.

mina and sana both know, none of that remains.

//

their parents pick them up from the airport upon their return. they’re greeted with big smiles and plenty of hugs and love.

mina thinks they’ve done a good job of trying to seem happy. sana does her best to sound chirpy. she almost doesn’t hear the crack in her voice. even though they hold hands the entire way back home, kira’s eyes are filled with concern as she looks at her through the rear mirror, alike to masami’s. when they pull them aside to ask what’s wrong, it’s like they rehearsed their answer together.

_ we’re just tired _ .

it’s a half-truth.

the two move back into their separate rooms as soon as they enter their house. sana’s lost count of the number of times she’s had a break down. she adds another one to the list as she lets the shower head wash away her tears.

loving someone shouldn’t be this hard. every time she closes her eyes, the pain in mina’s eyes flash before her eyes. the question that she uttered loops in her mind, a broken tape recorder that reminds her of her mistakes.

_ would it really be that bad if you tried to love me? _

no, sana thinks. being on the receiving ends of one of mina’s smiles is beautiful. hearing her laugh is beautiful. having mina in her arms is beautiful.  _ loving mina is beautiful. _

she just couldn’t say it. didn’t have the courage. she thinks back now, she thinks back and the last few days of their honeymoon will always be cemented as a failure that resulted from her own shortcomings. they’d grown close in merely a few days. it was as if sana had known mina all along. as if they were meant to be. two halves of a whole. completing each other. now, it’s as if they’re two polar opposites.

if she spoke her true feelings, would the pain in her chest disappear? would it feel less like someone is slowly driving a knife into her heart? seeing mina walk away every time they’re in the same room has that effect.

//

it’s the first day they’ll be going back to work after their honeymoon and mina and sana are sitting on their table together for breakfast.

since the day they’ve returned, sana’s mind has been filled with a whole lot of  _ what ifs _ . there’s one she still thinks about.

what if she told mina that day that no, it wouldn’t be bad if she tried to love her? she should’ve fought that day. told mina that she loves her. up until now, that is her biggest regret. letting mina think that she never loved her at all.

as mina walks to the door to leave first, sana makes the decision. she can turn this one what if into reality.

“it would never be bad if i tried to love you.” sana’s words are enough for mina to stop in her tracks. she doesn’t turn around, just listens. “it wouldn’t be bad, because i do. i  _ do  _ love you. i love you so much, it hurts.” her voice breaks as her tears start to form.

she curls her fingers, trying to stop herself from crying. “that night i went out, i tried to get you out of my head. i wanted to erase my feelings. but i was so deep in, i couldn’t see anyone else but you. i came back to the apartment ready to tell you that night. then, my confidence shattered the next morning. i couldn’t say anything after seeing the pain in your eyes.”

mina turns around slowly, eyes shining with tears as sana continues to express her feelings. “you were so good at pretending to be in love with me. i couldn’t tell you what i felt. i couldn’t taint you. i felt like i deserved it. i didn’t think that you’d be suffering too.”

sana inches back when mina walks towards her, taking small steps. she reaches a wall. she has nowhere she can go.

“if you ask me again. if you ask me if it would be that bad if i tried to love you, i would tell you a thousand times and more, no. i would tell you that loving you is the easiest thing i’ve come to do in life. loving you is all i want to do. i’m tired, mina. i’m tired and i’m sorry. i can’t do this anymore.” sana slides down the wall.

mina reaches her before she can fall, kneeling beside her. “we really have the worst timing. we’ve been shifting from one step forward, to one step back this entire period. we didn’t talk about it and we ended up resetting our whole relationship.” she wipes away sana’s tears with the pad of her thumb. “hey, sana, if someone is so good at pretending to be in love with you, maybe they actually are.”

“you’ve been so patient. i’m so sorry. i’m so sorry it took me this long to catch up.” sana cries, leaning her forehead against mina’s.

mina shakes her head, presses a gentle kiss against sana’s forehead. all she’s ever wanted to hear. all that she’s wanted, in her arms. she kisses away the tear tracks, peppers more pecks across sana’s cheeks and her nose. she looks into her wife’s eyes, heart beaming at the love overflowing, directed at her.

and, she kisses her. mina loses her footing as sana pulls her closer by the lapels of her suit coat. she takes in every inch of her wife, keeps her close. sana kisses her like she wanted to when she swirled her during their dance. she feels the warmth seeping into her skin again, the coldness long gone.

they part for barely a moment before mina’s lips are back on sana’s, making up for lost time. all that they missed out on their honeymoon.

it feels like coming home.

sana giggles against mina’s lips as she tries to nip her, making them pull away.

“aren’t you going to be late for work?” sana gasps, realising she’s probably just ruined her wife’s clothes with her break down.

“i think i need to take a day off. what do you say? maybe we should go on another honeymoon.” there’s a hint of mischief in mina’s eyes.

this time, they hold each other and don’t let go.

**Author's Note:**

> @likeuwuahh on twitter


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